I'm sorry for being me

So, today was my last day at my bank, and I start at my new one Tuesday. It was a pretty good day. Not too busy.

My mom is in a eally pissy mood. I've been on a diet ever since the first of the year. I feel different, but the scale doesn't reflect any change. So, my mom pretty much told me I was fat today. It really hurt my feelings. I asked her what she was making for dinner and after she said we were having left overs, I said something about maybe going out with some friends tonight. She blew up and was like, "Fine, go out and eat, then maybe you can get fatter". Ouch. I think I've been doing pretty good. I eat oatmeal for breakfast and usually get subway for lunch. But, still nothing. I guess I'm just old fashioned. I want to believe that families love and support each other no matter what. I honestly can't believe I've lied to myself for that long. The thing about families is this, they are the most critical of you. They think that since you're related to them, you'll always love them and forgive them for their mistakes, so they can be as mean to you as they want and you'll always find it in your heart to look past that and still love them.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love my mom, dad and sister more than anything in the world, but it's really hard to forgive when they intentionally say something to hurt you. I want to loose weight. I really really do. I'm sorry that I'm not a stick like my sister is. But I feel like I'm constantly being compared to her. She can eat whatever she wants and still, looks great. Me, on the other hand, I look at something and I gain weight. It's not the least bit fair. But hey, life isn't fair now is it?

So, I stayed home and ate leftovers for dinner. I'll probably go to bed soon, even though it's only 7:00. I might even make a trip to the bathroom to puke up my dinner I just ate. After all, I don't want to be known as the "fat one" anymore.